Smile & Laugh 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[winston]

Russia wipes California off the map

California will no longer exist on the Russian map.

Russia's north-western region of Nizhny Novgorod has decided to eliminate the tiny village of California due to the lack of inhabitants, Itar-Tass news agency reported.

The village was set up in the 19th century by a Russian landowner as a snub to the government for selling Alaska to the United States in 1867, Tass said.

The once vibrant village has been in decline since the Soviet collapse, with the last of its residents leaving in 2000 to seek better lives elsewhere.

It will now officially cease to exist as a geographical unit but it was unclear if its buildings, including a school, would also be destroyed.

REUTERS

[winston]

LONDON - The world's oldest recorded joke has been traced back to 1900 BC and suggests that toilet humor was as popular with the ancients as it is today.

It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes:
"Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."

It heads the world's oldest top 10 joke list published by the University of Wolverhampton on Thursday.

A 1600 BC gag about a pharaoh, said to be King Snofru, comes second -- "How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."

The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- "What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."

[millionairemind]

You sure you are dating a girl???

[millionairemind]

Saw this one on another forum.. hilarious

Last month, National University of Singapore scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional.
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8 ) Had to sit down while urinating.
No further testing was considered necessary.

[kennynah]

hahahahaha.....this one funny man...

[millionairemind]

Blonde Kidnapper
A blonde was down on her luck.

In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I’ve kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The blonde pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

[Cherry]

HOKKIEN JOKES

Joke 1

Dr Quek made a routine house call to Mr Lim, one of his elderly patients.

He asks, "And how are you doing today Mr Lim?"

Mr. Lim replies, "I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it's the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pang jio, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door!"

The doctor is worried that the old man is getting senile, so he phones the man's son, and the son's wife answers.

The doctor tells her, "Mrs Lim, I'm a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door!, the light somehow goes on..."

At which point, Mrs Lim yells, " Aiyoh, Ah Seng, Ah Pa pang jio in the fridge again!"

*****************************
Joke 2

QUESTION: How do you know frogs are Hokkien?
ANSWER: Because when it's cold, they go "kwah, kwah, kwah" (Hokkien for cold).

QUESTION: How do Hokkien prawns laugh?
ANSWER: Hae hae hae (Hokkien for prawns).

QUESTION: How do Hokkien fish laugh?
ANSWER: Hoo hoo hoo (Hokkien for fish).

*****************************

Joke 3

And here is a classic one..........

QUESTION: What's the difference between Ang Mor and Hokkien fairy tales?
ANSWER: Ang Mor fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..."

And Hokkien fairy tales begin with "Lim-peh ka lu kong......."

[Cherry]

An Iraqi, a German and an American got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to alllow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The American was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the American was also led away whimpering loudly.

The Iraqi was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:
"You belong to neighboring country so you may have two wishes!". "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," Iraqi replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that, you give me not 20, but 100 lashes." "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. "And what is your second wish?" the Sheik asked.
Iraqi smiled and said, "Tie the American to my back" !!!

[kennynah]

Joke 3

And here is a classic one..........

QUESTION: What's the difference between Ang Mor and Hokkien fairy tales?
ANSWER: Ang Mor fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..."

And Hokkien fairy tales begin with "Lim-peh ka lu kong......."

hae hae hae....

[millionairemind]

Since we are into Hokkien jokes, here is one about Ah Beng Interview

Ah Beng went for an job interview for a sales job. When the manager saw Ah Beng's colourful attire, his mind screamed, "Not this man!!"

Nevertheless he still had to entertain Ah Beng. So he told Ah Beng, "If you can form a sentence using the words I give you, then I will give you a chance!"

"The words are "Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, Black".

Ah Beng thought for a while and said "I heard the phone go green, green, and then I went to pink up the phone and said Yellow. Blue's that? White did you say? Aiyah, wrong number. Don't purplely disturb people and don't call Black, ok?"

Ah Beng got the job.