Smile & Laugh 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[kennynah]

ok...we shall call it Cherry Cherry Baby Trilogy

[Cherry]

Hee Hee Hee.

I am so pleased.

Kenny, Nah give you a Thank You card.

Please paste it near your heart.

[purplecloud]

[purplecloud]

[purplecloud]

[kennynah]

now...we know why some men rather give up their wives than their cars....hahahaha...

[millionairemind]

Ah beng was asked to make a sentence using 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10

This is what he came up with

1 fine day I go 2 climb up a 3 bed-room apartment to peep. After being seen by the couple in the room, I got panic and had a great 4. The man rushed out and had a 5 with me. I run away to 6 for help. End up running into 7 eleven, I grab some 8 and throw at him and pull out a 9 to stab at him. And 10 hor ...10 hor... 10 .... he die lor..

continuation of the story....

.....and 10 hor .....10 hor .... I put the 9 back on the shelf and pay for 8 and left 7 eleven. Next day I 'kor' my boss to say I am 6. He say 5. Tomorrow also don need to come back 4 work. He also say go climb a 3 and jump. I don understand. I nice 2 him but I don know what he 1?


Ah Beng Hot Shot
During the Japanese Occupation, 3 Singaporeans, Ah Meng, Ah Seng and Ah Beng were caught for smuggling. They were sentenced to death by firing squad.

That night, Ah Meng came up with a plan. He told the others that the Japanese were afraid of natural disasters. So he would cause them to panic, and escape in the confusion.

The next morning, Ah Meng was led to the wall. The firing squad was lined up and the Captain commanded, "Ready.. Aim..", but before he could complete, Ah Meng shouted, " Earthquake!! Earthquake!" The Japanese soldiers panicked and Ah Meng made his escape.

Later, the soldiers took Ah Seng out and the firing squad were ready. The captain commanded, "Ready... Aim..." This time Ah Seng shouted. " Flood! Flood!!" Again, the Japanese soldiers panicked and this time, Ah Seng made his escape.

Observing all this, Ah Beng began to get the idea. "It's important to get the timing right."

Soon, it was Ah Beng's turn. "Timing, that's the key.." Ah Beng kept saying to himself. The soldiers lined up in front of him. The captain started, "Ready..."

"Timing," Ah Beng thought to himself.

"Aim..."

"Okay," thought Ah Beng, and shouted, " FIRE!!! FIRE!!! "

[kennynah]

hahaha....talking about "fire"...

last time, in singapore, if there was an outbreak of fire, we had to call 999...same number as the police....

but later, the fire service emergency line was changed to 995.... and the reason for this...was not so much that the police got fedup in re-directing the calls but this....

******

there was a time when devan nair was the president of singapore...and like all presidents, the official residence is the istana (presidential palace equivalent)

mrs nair, besides being the 1st lady, was also a housewife...and staying true to her wifely virtues, she would cook for her husband and family, rather than employ the service of michelin chefs (which was a rightful privilege)

one day, mrs nair was cooking curry and the kitchen phone rang. it was mrs nair's mother, whom she has not spoken to or seen for a while.... they went on and on like all women when they speak on phone (hahahaha....i know, bottles are flying in my direction now from all angles)....

that mrs nair forgot all about the boiling curry. they had such an endless conversation, that the curry sauce totally evaporated from in the pot and soon, the pot caught fire.... the fire spreaded to other parts of the kitchen, and soon, the entire kitchen was engulfed in an inferno....

mrs nair, panicked and started shouting for help and called to her husband...

"NAIR, NAIR, FIRE !!!!!!!!!!"

and that's how 995 became the Fire Service Emergency Hotline....

just a little historical trivia as we approach our National Day....hahahaha....

[millionairemind]

Wah lao!!!!

You know how he resigned right?? For those older enough to remember...

I was a teenager then and they said his last name NAIR stands for - No Alcohol I Resign...

All this joke joke only.. Ma Ta Out there monitoring this thread.. don't come tearing down my door tonight OK... I know you can track where I logged in from..

[kennynah]

this one copied from somewhere...true or not, i dont know...and

i promise....women in this forum will love this....

***********

Nov 1, 2007

MA HAS been pestering me about men again, or rather, the lack of men in my life. Cousin Chin is getting married in two weeks’ time and Ma dreads facing the usual barrage of questions from nosy relatives during the wedding dinner.

She has tried to matchmake me countless times and, judging by her latest recommendation, she must be getting desperate. For crying out loud, how could she even consider the technician who fixed our fridge compressor? As if she didn’t know I prefer somebody more intellectually aligned to me, not that I have anything against fridge repairmen.

Let’s see if I can remember the men she tried to hook me up with. One day when I’m wrinkled and wry, I’ll read this journal for a good laugh.

1. The mumbling manager

He was Ma’s childhood friend’s nephew. Ma got to know about him from a chance encounter with her friend at the pasar malam. It turned out to be a disaster date as I couldn’t make out what he was mumbling throughout dinner. Luckily, the scrumptious sirloin steak made up for the crummy conversation.

2. The doctor’s daughter’s smelly tuition teacher

Ma bumped into the teacher at the clinic. As usual, she quickly initiated action and by the time he recovered from his flu, she arranged for us to meet. The teacher looked like an Asian Christopher Reeve but his bad breath stank to high heaven. It smelled like rotting rubbish! I wonder how his pupils could stand him. Perhaps they wore face masks to class. According to Ma, he probably ate plenty of raw garlic that day. And you know how they make your mouth smell, she said. No way. I’m convinced he had a severe case of horrid halitosis.

3. The sinseh’s sister’s soap-crazy brother-in-law

While getting her regular supply of dong kuai, kei chi and red dates from the Chinese medical hall, Ma found out that the sinseh’s sister’s brother-in-law was back from Singapore where he worked as an engineer. I had a sore throat and didn’t feel like a dinner date, so Ma arranged for the guy to visit us in our home. He came while we were watching Taiwan Ah Seng on TV. After the introductions, he practically ignored me and devoted all his attention to the idiot box. After the show, he talked animatedly to Ma about his favourite Korean soap, Jewel in the Palace, and how much he adored its leading actress, Lee Young-ae. Anyone who finds soaps stimulating is not my type. Lee Young-ae can have him.

4. Jane’s twitchy neighbour

When Jane visited us last Chinese New Year, Ma interrogated her on the single men she knew. And it so happened that a beefy bachelor had moved in next door to her. His Merz and a top position in a multinational propelled him to the ranks of extreme eligibility, according to Jane. We met at a hotel lounge. He spewed general knowledge like a fountain and behaved gentlemanly. But I couldn’t stand his tic. Every few seconds, his eyes twitched. The first time it happened, I thought he was winking at someone and turned around to see who it was. He apologised for his troublesome twitchy tic. Towards the end of our date, I felt myself blinking along with him.

5. The arrogant accountant

When Poh Lun’s colleague came over to give her a ride to their company’s annual dinner, Ma’s nimble nosiness resulted in another hapless date. He was the colleague’s brother, an accountant-cum-insurance agent who was a bigger jerk than Pretentious Pompous Paul from my office. This bloke took the cake. From start to end, it was I-I-I all the way. I’m a member of the million-dollar-round-table. I went to Switzerland for a holiday. I only buy original Rolex. On top of that, he was so bald I could see my reflection on his sweaty scalp. One date with a bald brash braggart is enough to last me a lifetime.