Smile & Laugh 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[millionairemind]

Funny Adult Joke Below. Please skip if you are easily offended

Hidden Content:

Funny Adult Joke

[kennynah]

hahaha......i see u getting the hang of it too....

[millionairemind]

K - I know I abit slow and dumb (like my mother used to say, BLOCK OF WOOD).. but with GR and you guiding me, I sure get the hang of it someday...

[millionairemind]

Who's This Guy
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter.

Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

[millionairemind]

How Many Women
After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."

[millionairemind]

After the Office Party
John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face."

"He's an ass****," John said. "Piss on him."

"You did," came the reply. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him!" said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday.

[millionairemind]

Saw this on CNA forum posted by a guy called Leaner.. super funny!

#1

Jill meets Nadine for lunch. "You're looking very tired today, Jill. Did you have a late night?"
"Yes," replies Jill, "but it was all very strange. While doing some gardening yesterday, I found a lamp, so I rubbed it and out popped a genie. He gave me a choice of two wishes."
"Wow," says Nadine, "so what were the choices he gave you, Jill?"
"He said he could either give me an excellent, sharp, 100% memory or else he could give my boyfriend a bigger d**k."
"So tell me already, Jill, what did you choose?"
"I can't remember," replies Jill.

#2

A guy goes to his High School class reunion. Having not seen anyone in twenty five years he's very curious as to who might show up.
When he gets there he runs into his old high school sweet-heart. They sit down and talk about the past.
"How have you been?" he asks.
"I've been fine, just fine," she replies, "Although I do have some good news and a little bad news, though."
"Bad news first, ma'am."
"Well, a few weeks ago I had to have a hysterectomy. "
"Oh my, that's too bad. I'm sorry to hear that."
"But the good news is the doctor found your old high school class ring you thought you lost!"

#3

Just try to relax, this won't take long," said the gynecologist trying to calm the obviously nervous young blonde patient.
"Haven't you ever been examined like this before?" he asked.
"Yeah, sure," she replied, "but not by a doctor!"

#4

A mother and her 5 yr old son were flying Southwest Airlines from Denver to Dallas.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes ?
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So the boy walks to the galley and asks the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?
The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me"
The boy said, "Yes, she did...."
"Well, then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."

#5

Bill and Doug were having a beer at the neighborhood bar.
"What's the matter?" asked Bill of his buddy. "You look kind of down."
"My wife just told me that my lovemaking is just like a news bulletin."
"Why's that?"
"Because it's brief, unexpected and usually a disaster."

#6

Three women are seated in the doctor's office waiting room one day.
The doctor calls the first one in. When he examines her, he sees a big "Y" on her chest. He asks, "Why do you have a big "Y" on your chest?"
She replies, "That's from my boyfriend's sweater. You see, my boyfriend went to Yale, and when we make love he likes to wear his Yale sweater."
"I see," the doctor says. He completes her examination and then calls in the next woman. When he examines her, he sees a big "H" on her chest.
Again, the doctor inquires about the letter. "How did you get a big "H" on your chest?" he asks.
The woman replies, "That's from my husband's sweater. He went to Harvard, and when we make love he likes to wear his Harvard sweater."
The doctor nods his head and completes her examination. He then calls in the last woman. She also has a letter on her chest, a big "M."
"Don't tell me," he says. "Your boyfriend went to Michigan!"
"No," she says. "My girlfriend went to Wisconsin."

#7

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency, she was a drama queen, cried all the time, and threatened suicide.So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

#8

A husband and wife are campaigning for a friend who is contesting the local elections. They both become so busy that they do not think of anything else but about the elections - so much so that they communicate about everything in political language.
One night the husband wants to have sex desperately, but seeing the wife busy doing some work, goes to her and says, "I would like to put my candidate in your legislature. "
The wife, not realizing this was meant for something else, without raising her head says, "Our party is not going to accept this."
The husband is disappointed but he goes to sleep.
After some time the wife realizes what the husband meant, so she wakes him up and tells him, "Darling, now you can put your candidate in my legislature. "
The husband replied, "Sorry, I cannot do that. My candidate stood independent and lost his deposit!"

[winston]

Was thinking whether to put this into "Retirement Planning", "Crab" or here...

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73-year-old porn star bedazzles Japan's aged
* Former travel agent Shigeo Tokuda, 73, stars in over 200 Japanese porn videos
* Ruby Productions produces Tokuda's movies and specializes in elderly porn videos
* Tokuda's DVD's are bought primarily by the middle-aged and elderly
* Ruby Productions says it's just meeting a demand of an aging Japanese society

By Kyung Lah
CNN

(CNN) -- Shigeo Tokuda looks like your average retiree, wearing a classy gray suit and distinguished glasses. But there is nothing average about this 73-year-old when he steps in front of the camera. Shigeo Tokuda is a porn star.

Shigeo Tokuda (his pseudonym) says he hopes to work until he's 80 or even older.

From women in their 20's to their 70's, Tokuda romances them all (sometimes more than one at a time). Tokuda is a genuine leading man in the genre of elderly porn, starring in more than 200 adult videos. Tokuda (that's his porn name) is so successful, he is a brand.

"I retired and didn't have anything to do," says Tokuda, a former 9 to 5 travel agent. "This is my second life. I don't know how long I can keep living, but I want to enjoy the rest of it."

Tokuda certainly looks like he's enjoying life, saying he's healthier now than he's been in years. So are sales of his DVD's, primarily among middle-aged and elderly buyers.

"In his generation, Tokuda is a superstar," says Gaichi Kono, an adult video director who has worked with Tokuda. Video Watch how Shigeo Tokuda has launched a second career »

"He encourages older people to think, I can do this because that old man can do this."

Ruby Productions produces Tokuda's movies and specializes in elderly porn videos. It's a genre they helped pioneer by accident.

Ryuichi Kadowaki, president of Ruby Productions, says they started producing adult videos with people in their 30's to good sales. They creeped up to 40 year old actors and they sold even better. Kadowaki says they went up to actors in their 50's, then 60's, and now they're producing an entire line of adult videos with actors in their 70's.

And their star, says Ruby, is Tokuda. "To be honest, I don't understand why people are buying these videos," he says. "I think our older customers must feel a sense of security by watching videos with an actor who is in the same generation."

Ruby says it's targeting the elderly audience and considering selling videos in retirement homes. Ruby also says it's just completed a deal to release some of Tokuda's movies in the U.S.

Japan does have a higher percentage of people over the age of 65 than any country in the world. Ruby Productions says it's just meeting a demand of an aging Japanese society.

Tokuda says his friends are envious, because he's in a job where he's valued, something many seniors lack. "Seniors get depressed because they don't have anything to do. They go crazy," says Tokuda.

Tokuda hopes to work until he's 80 or even older. Giving it his all, he says, until the end.

[kennynah]

maybe a "retirement" job for some people....old, spouse passed on....nothing to do, earn some money...get to have fun as well...not many surviving relatives to worry about "face" issue... of cos, morals aside in this instance....

[millionairemind]

Wah, that Japanese retiree is a super power man!!!

Check your Dirty IQ!

Questions:

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

Hidden Content:

1. a dentist

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

Hidden Content:

2. a wedding ring

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

Hidden Content:

3. peanut butter

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?

Hidden Content:

4.chewing gum

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

Hidden Content:

5. an elevator

6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?

Hidden Content:

6. a nose

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

Hidden Content:

7. a newspaper boy

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

Hidden Content:

8. a glove

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

Hidden Content:

9. a crane

10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I?

Hidden Content:

10. a toothbrush, of course!

Now Really! Just what were you thinking?