Smile & Laugh 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[Cherry]

Ken

A slip of the foot, you will soon discover.
A slip of the tongue, you will never recover.
But, a slip of the finger, can balek do all over.

What my finger intended to type was:

do u mind, Law by Law, ur cartoons r a little Out Law.

[kennynah]

cherry :

you are gifted...!!!!

[Cherry]

Sadly, all too true.......... Barber in New York

There was once a very good barber in NEW YORK , who gave Free Haircuts to everybody who ame into his shop to have their haircuts.

One day a florist went to him for a haircut. After the cut, he wanted to pay the barber,
but the barber replied: 'It's alright, I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'

The Florist was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open his shop,
there was a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door .

A policeman went for a haircut and he also wanted to pay the barber after the cut.
But the barber replied: 'I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'

The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open his
shop, there was a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

A Singaporean software engineer went for a haircut and he also wanted to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replied: 'I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'
The Singaporean software engineer was very happy and left.

The next morning when the barber went to open his
shop, guess what he found there..........

a dozen Singaporeans waiting for free haircuts!

[kennynah]

hahahaha.... u r good...more please...

[millionairemind]

Day1:
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 2:
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"

Day 3:
"We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and I'm a 36DD. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25.

[millionairemind]

A wedding occurred just outside Cavan in Ireland.

To keep tradition going, everyone gets extremely drunk and the bride's and groom's families have a storming row and begin wrecking the reception room and generally kicking the shit out of each other. The police get called in to break up the fight.

The following week, all members of both families appear in court. The fight continues in the courtroom until the judge finally brings calm with the use of his gavel, shouting, 'Silence in court!'

The courtroom goes silent and Paddy, the best man, stands up and says,
'Judge, I was the best man at the wedding and I think I should explain what happened.'

The judge agrees and asks Paddy to take the stand. Paddy begins his explanation by telling the court that it is traditional in a Cavan wedding that the best man gets the first dance with the bride.

The judge says, 'OK.'

'Well,' said Paddy, 'after I had finished the first dance, the music kept going, so I continued dancing to the second song, and after that the music kept going and I was dancing to the third song, when all of a sudden the groom leapt over the table, ran towards us and gave the bride an unmerciful kick right between her legs.'

Shocked, the judge instantly responded, 'God, that must have hurt!'

'Hurt?' Paddy replies. 'He broke three of my fingers!'

[kennynah]

Mum replies: "No dear, it's because your 25.

fah ney......

[Cherry]

Arab Grandpa

An Arab family was considering putting their grandfather in a Nursing home.

Since most of the facilities were completely full, they had to put him in a Jewish home.

After a few weeks in the Jewish facility, they came to visit grandpa.

"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson.

"It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful," says grandpa.

"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone."

"Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents here," grandpa says with a big smile.

"There's a musician here he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!"

"There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honour'!"

"And there's a physician here -- 90 years old! He hasn't been practicing medicine for 25 years and everyone still calls him 'Doctor'!"

"And what about you Grandpa?" - asks the grandson.

"And me...., I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The fucking Arab!"

[winston]

Some strategies will always work..

==================


Top Brit aide caught in China 'honeytrap'
(07-20 18:36)

A top aide to the British prime minister has reportedly been a victim of a suspected "honeytrap" operation by Chinese intelligence agents.

The unidentified aide, a senior adviser who was with Prime Minister Gordon Brown on a trip to China in January, had his BlackBerry phone stolen after being picked up by a Chinese woman who approached him in a Shanghai hotel disco, the Sunday Times newspaper said.

The aide agreed to return to his hotel with the woman. He reported the BlackBerry missing the next morning. The newspaper cites an unnamed official as saying the loss bears the hallmarks of a honeytrap.

The prime minister's office denied the phone was stolen in an intelligence operation.

[purplecloud]

3 minute Management Course for the working class .......

Lesson 1 :

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


Lesson 2 :

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity


Lesson 3 :

A sales rep, administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4 :

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.



Lesson 5 :

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson 6 :

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the e pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!