InvestIdeas

SIGN IN A STORE WINDOW

'WE WOULD RATHER DO BUSINESS WITH 1000 AL QAEDA TERRORISTS THAN WITH ONE SINGLE BRITISH SOLDIER!'

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in
CAMPBELTOWN, SCOTLAND.

You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement.

However, we are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty.

After all, it is ONLY A SIGN.

You may say 'What kind of business would dare to post such a sign?'

Answer:









A FUNERAL PARLOUR.

(WHO SAID SCOTTISH UNDERTAKERS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR?)

Brain Transplant
A patient needed a brain transplant and the doctor told the family, "Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."

"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.

"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000," replied the doctor.

Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood.

But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?"

"Standard pricing practice," said the doctor.

"Women's brains have to be marked down because they've actually been used."

Artist's Rendering Of Lloyd Blankfein's Desktop
Submitted by Tyler Durden on 08/03/2010 15:02 -0500

National Day Pride

In National Day mood ??

Ah Beng talks about Singapore history and current affairs...

Under the 'ang mo' we all live happily together, no complain.
Malaysia & Singapore is one big family in our brains.

One day we both like 2 durians cannot get along.
Got sharp thorns, poke each other, until 'buay song.'
One moment like brothers, can give and take.
Next moment we kena kicked out by the leg.

Wah! Our towkay also cry like mad,
we all also feel very very sad.
Our neigbours all say, 'Wah they all sure to die!
They got nothing, how to get next bowl of rice?'

So 'boh pian,' we all work day and night.
We also join the army so that we can fight.
We don't care others 'see us no up'.
But actually inside we very pain in the heart.

Then slowly hor we grow rich and a bit fat.
Now others talk about us also got some respect.
They scratch their heads and say
'Very funny! Got nothing how come they can still make money?'

Last time also got no money to buy ice-cream cone.
Nowadays even small kids can also afford hand phone.
Sea port, airport also can become Number One.
He! He! Sometimes think about it also very fun.

But some people look at us also not happy.
Actually they jealous don't want to say only.
So every time their country got something wrong.
They all say Singapore's behind it all along.

Everybody know we water no enough.
They turn off tap only we all cannot last.
They threaten us with water supply and shout 'Cut! Cut! Cut!'
Aiyoh! They all think the water is one big ketupat.

We all hear already also 'buay tahan'
Wah liao, they think we small can makan!
But now they 'cow pay cow bu' we all not very scared.
So Singapore got build water desalination plant already so not so bad.

But their own economy now all go bust.
Got to sell water otherwise money no enough.
Then another neighbor say Singapore no friend friend,
Got so much money, a bit more also donno how to lend.

They say we all only one small red dot,
like the center of a big dartboard.
Maybe they think we mouse and they cat,
that's why they suka suka anyhow talk like that.

But we all still send them a lot of rice.
Show the world we actually very very nice.
Sometimes we 'cho ho sim' also kena whack.
But we all gentleman wan, don't want to fight back.

I think hor maybe they don't understand us very well.
That's why relationship sometimes like heaven sometimes like hell
Some say aiyah our prosperity is all due to luck,
that's why we all siao siao' can still win the Tiger Cup

I think hor, Singapore is like chilli padi in a pot -
Size small small but still very very hot.

Hahaha...
I love the joke above...
Read already wana laugh..
The guy who talk so big abt seng kar por..
Is probably ignorant lor..
Bcos little did he know, why that fella wept..
That it was bcos, he knew he would get ikan bilis rather than king size crab..

I love this joke

Ken

Nice poem! Compose more, please.

SENIOR MOMENTS

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.
I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants..'

________________________________________________

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool..

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

True Man

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise , God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two queues. One queue for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other queue for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St Peter."

Soon all the women were gone and there were only the two queues of men. The queue of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 kilometers long, and in the queue of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and not fulfilled your purpose!
Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this queue?"


The man replied, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here."

Cherry wrote:http://www.flixxy.com/athletic-girl-lunga-musical-africa-htm

Looks like she is going to bend herself out of shape... scary..

Perhaps it should belong to the "unexplained" thread.