Smile & Laugh 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[kennynah]

hahahaha.....very good one ...

[helios]

monkeys =

If anyone has difficulty understanding the current world financial situation and shoring up the banks, the following may help….

Once upon a time in a village, a man announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10.

The villagers seeing there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10, but, as the supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their efforts.

The man further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and then started catching monkeys again.

Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to $25 and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

Theman now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now act as buyer, on his behalf.

In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers: ‘Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when he returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50.’

The villagers squeezed together their savings and bought all the monkeys.

Then they never saw the man or his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere!

Welcome to WALL STREET.

[mojo_]

So are we the...

a) villagers
b) assistant or
c) monkeys?

[millionairemind]

Be careful what you wish for and make sure the guy heard you

Hard of Hearing Genie

OK, so a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks "whats in the box".

The man says "I'll show ya' if you get me a beer."

So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano. The little man starts playing the piano!

Next the bar tender asks "hey! thats prety cool, where did ya' get that?"

The man says" I'll tell ya' if you get me another beer." So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says "I got it from a geenie and a lamp"

The bar tender says "If ya' let me barrow that geenie and that lamp I'll give ya' another beer."

The man says "Oh, Okay!"

The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp.

The bar tender rubs the lamp and the geenie pops out!

The geenie says "Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?"

The bar tender says "I wish for a million bucks!!!" And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room. "What the heck is this!!! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!!!"

And the man says "Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist!"

[millionairemind]

the blonde and the t.v....

so this blonde goes to a store and says "can i get that tv" the manager say "no mam we don't sell to blondes".

so the blonde goes back home and dies her hair red. then she goes to the store and askes for the t.v the manager say "no mam we dont sell to blondes". then she goes home again and dies her hair brown.

she goes back and asks again for the t.v. the manager again says "no mam we don't sell to blondes". she goes home one last time and shaves her hair off. she returns to the store for the last time and says "can i buy that t.v." the manager say "no mam we don't sell to blondes".

then the blonde says: "i've asked for the t.v as a blonde then i died it red, went home and died it brown, you still said no so i shaved all my hair off! why can't i have that t.v" well the manager says: " bacause we don't sell to blondes for one and for two that is a microwave mam!

[millionairemind]

Adult joke...

Hidden Content:

SEX
Audience: Adult
WHAT IS THE SIMILARITY BETWEEN SEX AND A
SNOW STORM?
YOU NEVER KNOW HOW MANY INCHES YOU ARE
GOING TO GET, AND HOW LONG IT WILL LAST

[millionairemind]

Washing a new shirt


Ah Beng went to school with his new shirt. It was all wet. His teacher asked him , “Ah Beng, why is your shirt wet ? Ah Beng replied, “I just bought it from Mega Mall and it says here Wash and Wear”

[millionairemind]

Dying Wives!

"I was married 3 times" explained the man to a newly discovered drinking partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 wives died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd wife died of a fractured skull."

"That's a shame." said his friend , "How did it happen?"

"She wouldn't eat the f*cking mushrooms!"

[Cherry]

LiFe In SiNgApOre

In Singapore , the majority of us live in Highly Dangerous Buildings (HDB), and most people have already got used to Paying and Paying (PAP).

Not only do you have to pay, you Pay Until Bankrupt (PUB).

If that's not enough, somebody still Purposely Wants to Dig (PWD)and get more from you.

So what more can you do when you are in the Money Only Environment (MOE)?

With the current Mad Accounting System (MAS), you are forced to
Pay the Sum Ahead (PSA), which will leave some people Permanently Owing Some Banks (POSB).

And forced to live on the Loan Techniques Always (LTA) system.When you fall sick and happen to be admitted to a Money Operating Hospital (MOH),

You might be able to use your Cash Prior to Funeral (CPF)fund.

If you are out of luck, you may meet doctors who Never! Use Heart (NUH) to treat you, and you will be Sure to Give up Hope (SGH).

To help ease the traffic, motorists have to pay Cash On Expressway (COE).

If that doesn't help, they can always Eternally Raise Prices (ERP)on the roads..

If you don't own a car, you can always make a Mad Rush to the Train (MRT), OR get squashed in a bus
Side By Side (SBS ).

Lastly, under all these pressures, there are not many places we can relax,
not even the good old place we used to go because it has become
So Expensive and Nothing To See Actually (SENTOSA)!!!

[Cherry]

SEX IN THE DARK

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband

always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session she turned on the lights.

She looked down. and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic. 'You impotent bastard,' She screamed at him, 'how could you be lying to me

all of these years? You better explain yourself!'

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

'I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids.'