Smile & Laugh 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[millionairemind]

I am not sure if you guys have ever watched Shaun The Sheep...

I have a young son at home and he and I both enjoyed it.. It is hilarious

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[millionairemind]

Adult joke.. do not read if you will be offended..

Hidden Content:

Care to go upstairs?
A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"

So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?"

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."

[Cherry]

millionairemind wrote:

I am not sure if you guys have ever watched Shaun The Sheep...

I have a young son at home and he and I both enjoyed it.. It is hilarious

'Shaun The Sheep', hahahahaha... so funny!

Envy your son, enjoying the show with Daddy.

[Cherry]

Problem Solving

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked its ENGINEERS to solve the problem. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, he did not get into complications of X-rays, etc but instead came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral of the story:
KISS: Keep It Simple, Stupid

Always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problem.

Focus on solutions not on problems.

'If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything'

'If you look at what you have in life, you have everything!!!'

[millionairemind]

NO BRAINS BLONDE JOKES

Q: Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A: She got cold and turned off the fan.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde that invented the solar flashlight?
Submitted by: Anthony Sandoval

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An IN-body experience!

Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.

[Cherry]

First Anatomy Class

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered by a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor:
The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.
For an example:
The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and sucked on his finger.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,
"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger.
Now learn to pay attention."

For stock-market trading too; to differentiate a tip from an inverted tip!

[millionairemind]

WARNING: Puns Ahead!
Love 'em or hate 'em, it's Pun time. Puns, or "groaners" like some folks like to call them are fun. Try 'em on your friends and relatives, but keep a straight face when you tell them and be preapared for GROANS... then you'll see why they are called so... enjoy and pass 'em on!

Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating: always use condiments.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

[Cherry]

3 Parrots

A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.
The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk, "how much for the parrot on the right?

The owner said it was Rs. 2500.
"Rs. 2500.", the man said. "Well what does he do?"
"He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000," responds the clerk.
"He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters."

The man then asked what the second parrot cost.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an expert computer programmer."

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.
The clerk replied, "Rs. 10,000."

Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked what this bird's specialty was.
The clerk replied, "Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything."

But the other two call him, BOSS

[kennynah]

[iam802]

British humour... on subprime and the financial crisis

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