Smile & Laugh 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[Cherry]

kennynah wrote:

thanks for the post dinner laugh...

Dinner is the last meal of the day, right? The last laugh is the best laugh, and you had it.

[Cherry]

DUCKS IN HEAVEN


Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter,
who doesn't miss a thing.

With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man,
is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks,
but
one day St.Peter comes up to her
with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
.... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says,
'I don't know about you,
but I stepped on a duck...

and as a punishment chained to you..

the ugliest ...

[millionairemind]

Adults only..

Hidden Content:

The Telepathic Watch!
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.
"Oh really? What's it telling you now?" she inquires.
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"

And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says,
"Damn thing must be an hour fast!"

Another adult joke

Hidden Content:

Only 1 a day for minors..

[millionairemind]

What time does the bar open?
At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.

"It opens at noon" answers the clerk.

About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.

"What time does the bar open?" he asks.

"Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk.

Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"

The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."

"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

[kennynah]

funny......hahahahaha....

[kennynah]

AFP - Thursday, September 11

BANGKOK (AFP) - - Deposed Thai premier Thaksin Shinawatra will be consulted on who should become prime minister, after a court removed Samak Sundaravej over a cooking show scandal, the ruling party said Thursday.
(Advertisement)

"Thaksin's support will be taken into consideration, but will not be decisive in determining the candidate," deputy party spokesman Suthin Klangsaeng said.

"We have to listen to him, because Thaksin is still a Thai national," Suthin said.

Thaksin was toppled by the military in 2006 after months of street protests accusing him of corruption. He now lives in exile in Britain to evade legal charges, which he says are politically motivated.

[iam802]

Saw this on a comment on Lehman ( I was searching on articles 'why can't we let Lehman die')

http://bigpicture.typepad.com/comments/ ... ilout.html

Breaking News: Lehman To Be Acquired by Tooth Fairy


The market responded with enthusiasm to reports that the Tooth Fairy has agreed to acquire Lehman. The purchase price has not yet been determined and will be set by d**k Fuld wishing upon a star, clicking his heels three times, and being transported back to that magical place where Lehman still sells for over $70 per share.

In related news, Lehman has agreed to sell all of its level III capital, including CDOs, ABSs, pet rocks, baseball cards, slightly used condoms, and credit default swaps written by MBIA and Ambac. Lehman’s level III capital will be acquired for 150% of its face value by Tinkerbell, who will carry it off to Neverland to be fed to a crocodile. Lehman is financing 90% of the acquisition at an interest rate that has not been announced; Tinkerbell’s up-front payment consists of a handful of pixie dust, three crickets, and a bullfrog. Analyst d**k Bove estimates that the bullfrog could eventually be transformed into three princes and a pumpkin coach. The deal gives Lehman no recourse to any of Tinkerbell’s assets other than the Level III capital. If Tinkerbell defaults, Lehman’s successor entity will stick its hand down the crocodile’s throat and attempt to get it to regurgitate. The firm’s historical value-at-risk analysis shows that sticking your hand down a crocodile’s throat is completely safe.

Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson issued a statement: “I am delighted that SWFs (Sovereign Wealth Fairies) continue to express confidence in the terrific values represented by American financial institutions. As I have been saying since August of 2007, this shows that the crisis is now over.”

Meanwhile, the SEC has announced an investigation of mean, evil, bad short-seller David Einhorn. While out for a beer with a friend, Einhorn reportedly suggested that the Tooth Fairy does not exist and that wishing upon a star is not a wholly reliable price discovery mechanism. Christopher Cox, chairman of the SEC, said, “Vicious rumors attacking the Tooth Fairy will not be tolerated. Our entire financial system and indeed the American way of life depend on the Tooth Fairy and wishing upon a star. How else could one value level III capital appropriately?” The SEC is reportedly planning to set up re-education camps for short-sellers.

[Cherry]

That makes Sense.....?


1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!

2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.

Think about it.

3. Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world!

That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!

4. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles.
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!

5. So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks,

but we chose Marriage, slow sure!

6. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

7. All desirable things in life are either
illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!

8. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that
90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

9. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did,
and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

10. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank, had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.

They said, he who never lived, cannot die!

11. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside.

So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!

[millionairemind]

How did Ah Beng fit 60 people under one umbrella ?

Ah Beng’s teacher was giving a quiz to her students and asked, “ How can 60 people stand under an umbrella without getting wet?

Ah Beng put up his hand and shouted, “ I know ! I know ! I know!

“Okay Ah Beng, tell us your answer”, the teacher said.


Ah Beng : When it is not raining loh !.

[millionairemind]

Market so sian.. how about a good joke??

BLEACH BLONDE JOKES

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.

Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.

Q: How do you tell if a bleach blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.