Smile & Laugh 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[millionairemind]

With his friend from Poland

On a trip to Poland, Ah Beng met a couple and they became very good friends. One day,Ah Beng invited this Polish couple to stay with him. After a few days, Ah Beng became very suspicious of the Polish man’s wife. So he called his friend aside and said, "Do you know your wife is trying to kill you ? " His friend reacted with shock "This cannot be. We have a good marriage and have been married for 30 years. She cannot be trying to kill me". But Ah Beng persisted. "I have evidence to show that she is trying to kill you. Look what I found her using yesterday ?"

Ah Beng took out a small bottle which reads.............. "POLISH REMOVER"

[millionairemind]

At the maternity ward expecting his first child
Ah Beng , Ah Lok and Ah Piow were all in a waiting room at the maternity ward. All three of them were anxiously expecting their first child. After half an hour, a doctor appeared and congratulated Ah Lok. “Congratulations, Ah Lok, you have a pair of twins.” Ah Lok was so excited and said, “This is great. I always wanted twins. Now I have two in one. Just by coincidence, I happen to work at the Petronas Twin Towers.

After a few minutes, a second doctor appeared and congratulated Ah Piow and said, “Congratulations, Ah Piow, you have triplets”. Ah Piow was all excited and said, “Wow! Triplets. That will be a lot of diapers to wash. But I always wanted three in one and here I get all at one go. Just by coincidence, I happen to work in TV3 (TV TIGA)”.

While Ah Lok and Ah Piow was celebrating the good news, Ah Beng fainted. So they had to call a doctor to revive Ah Beng. When Ah Beng was finally revived, the doctor asked him, “Ah Beng , is everything alright with you ? Do you have heart problems or high blood pressure ? Ah Beng replied, “ No I am perfectly well. But I am just a bit nervous now since I work at 7-11”.

[Cherry]

Ah Beng Can't Do Night Classes Lah!

Ah Beng went to take night courses for the reason in future can get promotion or better job. During work, Ah Beng likes to show off to Ah Seng about his knowledge.
Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... I've been taking night courses for 3 months already, next week is the exam.
Ah Seng: Oh... Good luck ah. Then Ah Beng started show off...
Ah Beng: Ok, I test you, who is Graham Bell?
Ah Seng: Don't know
Ah Beng: He is the inventor of phone la... in 1876, see... if you take night courses, you would know this!
Ah Seng: ........................ *speechless* The next day, Ah Beng shows off again...
Ah Beng: Ah Seng ah... let me ask you, who is Jean Jacques Rousseau?
Ah Seng: Wash your toilet one ah?
Ah Beng: No! He's the author of "Confessions"; nah nah nah... told you already, if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ......................... *speechless + frustrated* The next day, once again...
Ah Beng: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Ah Seng: Your gay partner?
Ah Beng: Choiii!!! If you don't know don't simply answer la. He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.
Ah Seng: ....................... *speechless + frustrated + irritated This time Ah Seng cannot tahan (stand) anymore and ask Ah Beng...
Ah Seng: Eh... Do you know who Ah Kaw is?
Ah Beng: Errrr... No!
Ah Seng: He's the guy sleeping with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know this!!
Ah Beng: ........................

[millionairemind]

Good one Cherry

Like what they say - Only the mother knows who is the real father

[kennynah]

not if there was an orgy session that night....hahaha...

[millionairemind]

Husband's Great Gift
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

[millionairemind]

Entrance Exams
(07 Jan 2008)

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Ah Beng did not do so well in his entrance examinations. So the professor called him for an interview. The professor said, “Ah Beng, your results are not so good. But you still have a chance to enter the University. I am going to ask you three questions and if you can answer one question correct, we will allow you in. So here is the first question, How many seconds are there in one year ?” Ah Beng replied, “ Oh that is simple sir, There are 12 seconds in one year” The professor said, “Sorry Ah Beng, your answer is wrong. How did you get 12 seconds in one year” Ah Beng replied, “Is it not Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd…..”



The professor said, “Okay Ah Beng, you think very differently from others. Here is a second question. How many “D’s” are there in Rudolf and the Rednose reindeer ?” Ah Beng thought for a while and hummed the tune and quickly answered, “It is easy sir, There are 56 “D’s” in the song. The professor was surprised and said, “Ah Beng, your answer is wrong. How did you get 56 ?” Ah Beng hummed the tune and said , “ I thought it was Deee, deee, deee, deee, deee.deeee, ddeee………” (with the tune).



The professor said, “I am sorry Ah Beng, you are wrong again. But you have one more chance to get into the university. Here is your last question and you must get it right. How many “T’s” are there in a week ? Ah Beng replied, “Ooh,, that is simple. There are 2 “T’s” in a week. The professor gave a sigh of relief. “Ah Beng, you are finally right. You can now enrol into our university. By the way, what are the two “T’s” ?”

Ah Beng replied, “Oh. Vely simple only. Today and Tomorrow lah”

[millionairemind]

INVESTMENT ALERT!

Pfizer Corp (NYSE PFE) is making the announcement today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola Bottling Group (NYSE PBG) as a power beverage, suitable for use as-is, or a mixer, under the name "Mount and Do."

Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests:
"It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one."

[millionairemind]

Chinese Goer

A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the
evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at
it.

When finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window,
takes deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side,
jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences to repeat the
performance.

The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When
finished, the Chinese man jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a
deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps
back into bed with the hooker and starts again.

The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times. During
the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself.

So when they are done she jumps up, goes to the window and takes a
deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed...and finds four
Chinese men.

[iam802]

my girl ask me this as we switched over to the PM's rally speech.

"What so funny about the PM?"

"Why are people laughing at his joke when it is not funny?"

I have no answer to it.

The nearest answer that pops out of my mind is, "Because he is the Prime Minister."

"But why? Why laugh if it is not funny?"


I am speechless. It is difficult answering such questions.