Smile & Laugh 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[millionairemind]

Father and Mother ?

Ah Beng was in an English class one day
Teacher: "Class, do you know the meaning of parents?"
Ah Beng: "Yes, teacher, it means father and mother"
Teacher: "Good. Can you give me an example?"
Ah Beng: "Sure. Cowboy's parents means cowboy's father and mother. Also can say Cowboy's father is Cow Pay & Cowboy's mother is Cow Boo. So together we say Cow Pay Cow Boo”. (KPKB). The English teacher fainted at Ah Beng’s remarks and applied for a transfer to get away from him.

[kennynah]

wahahahaha...next time...i tell anyone from texas this joke...

[LenaHuat]

:lol:

We should have exchanged with each other.

Yes, we should hve then. However, I've given all my souvenirs away.

[millionairemind]

Which is Lightning faster than Thunder ?

Ah Beng and Ah Lian were on the beach on a stormy night. There were lightning and thunder all over the place. Ah Lian asked Ah Beng, “Why is it we always see the lightning before we hear the thunder ? Ah Beng replied, “Ai yah. So simple also you don’t know. Because our eyes are in front of our ears, mah ???”

Ah Beng's theory on English Spelling
Aoccdrnig to Ah Beng's theroy on Enlgish, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

I think all of us can understand what Ah Beng wrote above. So he must be right. So Ah Beng can be quite clever after all.

[ishak]

Ah Beng's theory on English Spelling
Aoccdrnig to Ah Beng's theroy on Enlgish, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a
toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe.

I think all of us can understand what Ah Beng wrote above. So he must be right. So Ah Beng can be quite clever after all.

Solid one! It is also studied under a branch in cognitive psychology/perception.

[millionairemind]

Ain't She Cute
Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies)

"Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled...

isn't she adorable?"

Friend: "But your kid didn't smile."

Father: "I was talking about the nurse."

[millionairemind]

Ah Beng's medical dictionary

ANTIBODY: against everyone
ARTERY: the study of fine paintings
BACTERIA: back door to a cafeteria
BENIGN: what you be after you be eight
BOWEL: letters like A, E, I, O, or U
CAESAREAN SECTION: a district in Rome
CARDIOLOGY: advanced study of poker playing
CAT SCAN: searching for ones lost kitty
CAUTERIZE: made eye contact with her
COMA: a punctuation mark
CONGENITAL: friendly
CORTIZONE: the local courthouse
D & C: where Washington is
DILATE: to live longer
ENEMA: not a friend
ER: the things on your head that you hear with
FIBRILLATE: to tell lies
GENES: blue denim slacks
HEMORRHOID: a male from outer space
IMPOTENT: distinguished, well known
LABOR PAIN: hurt at work
MENOPAUSE: men will keep on working
MINOR OPERATION: somebody else's
ORGAN TRANSPLANT: what you do to your piano when you move
PARALYZE: two far-fetched stories
PATHOLOGICAL: a reasonable way to go
PHARMACIST: person who makes a living dealing in agriculture
PROTEIN: in favor of young people
RED BLOOD COUNT: Dracula
RHEUMATIC: amorous
SECRETION: hiding anything
TABLET: a small table
TERMINAL ILLNESS: getting sick at the airport
TIBIA: country in North Africa
TRIPLE BYPASS: better than a quarterback sneak
TUMOR: an extra pair
URINE: opposite of "you're out"
VARICOSE: very close
VEIN: conceited

[millionairemind]

Ah Lian's first car experience
Ah Beng bought a Honda VVTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show off the car to her. Over there, Ah Beng was bragging about the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.

"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!" "Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian. "Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"

So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!" So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post. "Alamak! What are did you do to the gear ?!!! Ah Beng screamed.

Ah Lian replied "Solee, solee, pai sah lah! I put gear to “R”. I thought "R" is for racing mah!"

[kennynah]

told our national sports coaches not to hold back their flatulence...refused to listen...

[millionairemind]

Lawyer Joke
Charitable Donation
A local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um...no."

"--or that mybrother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted,

"--or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again: "--so if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?!?"