Smile & Laugh 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[millionairemind]

Policewomen get "bullet-proof bras"
BERLIN (Reuters) - Thousands of German policewomen will receive what media have labeled "bullet-proof bras."

Made of white cotton and featuring the word "Polizei" (Police) along the seam, the bras are meant to better protect police women who wear bullet-proof vests.

"There was a slight safety risk for women wearing normal bras with metal parts underneath a bullet-proof vest," a police spokesman in the northern city of Hanover said.

"If the vest is hit by a projectile, this can have an impact on the metal bit in the bra underneath and cause injuries."

Some 3,000 police women working for Germany's federal police will be equipped with the new bras which feature no metal parts and look like sports bras, the spokesman said.

[millionairemind]

Where are you from?
Man : Where are you from?
Woman : U.S.A
Man : Are you here on vacation?
Woman : No lah! I'm here for lunch.
Man : What!!! All the way from United States of America!!!
Woman : No lah! Upper Serangoon Avenue.
Man : !!@#$%


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18 Friends
Why did Ah Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?

Because below 18 not allowed Lah !


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Expected Salary
Ah Beng is filling up an application form for a job.

He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.

Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure of the question.

After much thought, he writes " Yes "



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Thermos Flask
Ah Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.

Ah Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"

Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."

Ah Beng : "What does it do ?"

Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Ah Beng : "I'll buy it"

The next day, Ah Beng goes to work with his thermos flask

Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"

Ah Beng : "It's a thermos flask."

Boss : "What does it do ?"

Ah Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"

Boss : "What do you have in it !?"

Ah Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"



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Photocopy Mistakes
After taking photocopies of documents, Ah Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.


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Famous Photos
Ah Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.


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911
Why can't Ah Beng dial 911?

Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.


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Instant Help
Ah Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it.

When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command

after some tries.

Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.

Ah Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody come and help me ah?!"



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Red Ears
Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor.

The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear, lah"

"Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ... what happened to the other ear ?"

Ah Beng answered : "That stupid dumbo called back, lah !!!!"


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Time Difference
Ah Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.

Ah Beng: "Could you tell me the time difference between Taipei and Las Vegas?"

Operator: "Just a minute..."

Ah Beng : "Thank you lah" and puts down the phone.


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Jigsaw Puzzle
After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time, Ah Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.

"It took me only 5 months to do it", Ah Beng brags.

"Five months? That's too long", the friend exclaims.

"You are a fool" Ah Beng replies, "See this on the box, it is written "For 4-7 Years".


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Lucky Ah!
One day, Ah Beng & Ah Seng were walking down the Chinatown when they saw something in their path.

"Wait!" cried Ah Beng. "Wat is tat huh?"

"Yah ho! Be carefool lo," warned Ah Seng.

"Wat is it?" They approached the thing and looked at it very closely.

"Eee look like shit lah!" say Ah Beng.

"Hmmm..... smell like shit also!" say Ah Seng after taking a deep breathe.

Ah Beng then poked the thing with his one finger, raised the finger to his lips, tasted it and said,"Tastes like shit!"

Ah Seng pushed his finger right through the thing and stick out his tongue to lick. With confidence, he said,

"Confirm is shit!"

Then they smiled at each other,

"WAH! Lucky we didn't step on it."

[Cherry]

MM

Policewomen get "bullet-proof bras".
Ha........Ha..........................Ha!
Very ingenious idea, Lah.
Would you like to fix a giant one on top of your car?

[Cherry]

MM

Your jokes on dear Ah Beng
Make me laugh until I Peng.
Ha......Ha....Ha!
Very farnee Lah!

[millionairemind]

Glad you enjoyed them..

I like to laugh every day... life is already suffering.. Y join in??

I oso like to shout HUAT HUAT 2008 ar, like my son (that incidentally is my ring tone...my son's shouting..not mine)

[Cherry]

MM

Huat Ar ! Huat Ar !
With your guidance always not far.
Sure we can achieve that bar
Of 100% Huat Ar, Huat Ar.
Life is not suffering
So long as we have food, shelter and clothing.
And our children and spouse have warmth and love.
These blessings are more than enough from above.
The laughter by all means
Is most treasured by all, especially the seniors and the teens.

[millionairemind]

Cherry.. your inkglish powderful lah.. can make poems just like that..

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

[Cherry]

MM.. your chartreading powderful lah.. can make predictions just like that..
I no good lah, always copy cat.
Like your jokes leh.
I must like this say.
'Cos they r from a towkay.
Or else towkay cut my pay.

[RidingOnTop]

Just curious why we use "cock up" to describe something that is not "happening"...

I thought from a male's POV, "cock up" should be a good thing? Can anyone explain the root of this Singaporean lingo?

[millionairemind]

Yo Rider,

This no Singlish leh.. it is Queen's Ingklish (Slang)...

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/COCK%20UP

Main Entry: cock–up
Pronunciation: \ˈkäk-ˌəp\
Function: noun
Date: circa 1948
British : mess 3b