Smile & Laugh 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[blid2def]

I thought the first answer was right though. "Here's an orange" - it's deliberately left open-ended enough so they can sue later on the tiny technicalities.

[winston]

Unlucky licence plate sells for 130,000 dollars in Hong Kong: report

HONG KONG (AFP) — A Hong Kong woman splashed out 130,000 US dollars for a car licence plate carrying "4444", despite the number's traditional links to death in Chinese culture, a report said Monday.

The bidder paid one million Hong Kong dollars in a government auction of 270 unusual licence plates on Sunday, the Chinese-language Apple Daily said.

The number four is often avoided by Chinese people because its pronunciation is similar to the word for "dead".

Some skyscrapers do not include floors that end with the number, such as 14th or fourth, as they are less likely to be rented.

However, car licence experts told Apple that four was a lucky number for people originating from Chaozhou, a city in the southern Guangdong province, as it sounds like the word for "water" in their dialect.

Water is a seen as a symbol for money in the traditional Chinese feng shui energy system.

The woman declined to talk to reporters after the auction, the report added.

[winston]

A new wrinkle in smoking enforcement...

TOKYO (Reuters) - Cigarette vending machines in Japan may soon start counting wrinkles, crow's feet and skin sags to see if the customer is old enough to smoke.

The legal age for smoking in Japan is 20 and as the country's 570,000 tobacco vending machines prepare for a July regulation requiring them to ensure buyers are not underage, a company has developed a system to identify age by studying facial features.

By having the customer look into a digital camera attached to the machine, Fujitaka Co's system will compare facial characteristics, such as wrinkles surrounding the eyes, bone structure and skin sags, to the facial data of over 100,000 people, Hajime Yamamoto, a company spokesman said.

"With face recognition, so long as you've got some change and you are an adult, you can buy cigarettes like before. The problem of minors borrowing (identification) cards to purchase cigarettes could be avoided as well," Yamamoto said.

Japan's finance ministry has already given permission to an age-identifying smart card called "taspo" and a system that can read the age from driving licenses.

It has yet to approve the facial identification method due to concerns about its accuracy.

Yamamoto said the system could correctly identify about 90 percent of the users, with the remaining 10 percent sent to a "grey zone" for "minors that look older, and baby-faced adults," where they would be asked to insert their driving license.

Underage smoking has been on a decline in Japan, but a health ministry survey in 2004 showed 13 percent of boys and 4 percent of girls in the third year of high school -- those aged 17 to 18 -- smoked every day.

[winston]

Safety in numbers for speeding drivers

BEIJING (Reuters) - Speeding drivers in south China are getting clear away thanks to machines which switch the numbers on their licence plates in seconds, state media said on Tuesday.

"More than 50 percent of cars caught on camera for speeding and other offences either cover up their plates or use a fake licence plate," a traffic policeman in the Guangdong city of Yangjiang was quoted by the Beijing Youth Daily as saying.

"Our chances of capturing them is next to nil."

The price of the remote-control device starts at around 800 yuan ($115), while a more advanced apparatus with the ability to flip over the numbers in less than three seconds costs more than double.

"The era of covering up the licence plate by hand has passed," a driver surnamed Zheng told the newspaper.

"It's really convenient and economical too," a salesman who specializes in such devices in the provincial capital of Guangzhou was quoted as saying.

In April, Xinhua news agency reported that China had confiscated thousands of fake military vehicles and number plates in a move to crack down on citizens masquerading as privileged members of the People's Liberation Army.

In years past, Chinese counterfeiters have used fake military vehicles to ship bootleg cigarettes and other goods, previous reports have said.

[kennynah]

darn jialat man...these chinese... what happened to their country-above-self attitude ? now, every man for himself...

i'll bet there are plenty of fake RMB currency going around?

[millionairemind]

Stumpy and His Wife

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."

And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."

Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."

The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."

Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."

Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

[kennynah]

2 old wrinkled women were sipping tea at the old folk's home garden one afternoon. one of them, martha, was smoking when it started to drizzle lightly... martha promptly removed a condom from her skirt pocket and enveloped her cigarette.. her old friend, gracie, also a smoker, asked..."martha, where did u get that from?"...martha said, a block away at the 7-11...

the next day, gracie went to the convenient store, and at the counter, asked for a packet of condom...

the cashier, a young man, with both an embarrassed and astounded look at gracie, asked "what brand. m'ame?"

"hussle now boy, just give me anything that fits a camel"...gracie retorted impatiently..

[winston]

Australian pokes shark in eye during attack

SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian swimmer survived a great white shark attack by poking the creature in the eyes as it dragged him through the water after badly savaging his left leg.

Jason Cull was swimming off a beach on Australia's southwest coast on Sunday when the four meter (12 feet) shark attacked.

"Initially I thought it was a dolphin," Cull told The Australian newspaper on Monday. "I just remember being dragged along backwards. I was trying to feel its gills but I found its eye and I stuck my finger in and that's when it let go."

The shark tore two chunks from Cull's left leg, ripping off half his calf and leaving him with deep lacerations to his knee and thigh. A local surf lifesaver heard Cull, 37, screaming and raced into the surf to rescue him.

An Australian teenage surfer was killed in a shark attack in April. Sharks are protected in Australia and attacks on humans are relatively rare, despite the country's huge coastline.

Around 42 percent of attacks involve surfers or windsurfers, according to the U.S.-based International Shark Attack File. Australia had 12 shark attacks in 2007, none of them fatal, among 71 shark attacks worldwide that year.

[winston]

The latest rumor is that Hillary's campaign is going broke.

Her staff has been told that future campaign events will have to cut back on the frills. For example, when traveling, Bill and Hillary now have to share a hotel room.

– Jay Leno

[blid2def]

The latest rumor is that Hillary's campaign is going broke.

Her staff has been told that future campaign events will have to cut back on the frills. For example, when traveling, Bill and Hillary now have to share a hotel room.

– Jay Leno

He's got some fantastic staff writing his material.