Smile & Laugh 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[millionairemind]

The Scottie Dog Who Knew Karate

There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog."

And the clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate."

The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair."

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said "Karate my ass!"

[millionairemind]

Yucks!!

[millionairemind]

A baby's laughter is the purest kind of laughter.. No need for expensive Fisher Price toys.. just a milk bottle cap and a spoon will do just fine.

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[LenaHuat]

Beware, U could be caught laughing to yourself:
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[LenaHuat]

1.17m have watched this kungfu baby"
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[Cherry]

Please be careful choosing a wife.


'An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so
they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.
So he explained his mission to the farmer,
asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, 'They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want.'

The man dated the first daughter.
The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

'Well,' said the man, 'she's just a weeeeee bit,
not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed.'

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one
of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.

'Well,'the man replied, 'she's just a weeeeee bit,
not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed.'

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,

'She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry'

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.
When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

'Well,' explained the farmer,
'She was just a weeeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...
pregnant when you met her.'

[Cherry]

I fired my secretary today because...



Yesterday was my 40th birthday and I wasn't feeling too good that morning.

I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and probably have a present for me.

As it turned out, she didn't even say good morning, let alone any Happy birthday. I thought, well, that's wives for you, the children will remember. The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent..

As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, "Good morning, Boss. "Happy Birthday". And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.

I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me." I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. "Let's go!" We went to lunch.

We didn't go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not." She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable"

"Sure!" I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ----- followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there ----

on the couch ----

naked.

[kennynah]

cherry : wahahahahaha..... your joke is so funny....i love it....and there's a lesson in it some more..

and the lesson is : dont ever go to a woman's apartment...just go to the hotel...of your choice.

[millionairemind]

Make sure don't use the same hotel room for more than 3x... later kena like the Chinese Malaysian Health minister... who got filmed with his chio mistress.. cos' he BODO use the same room every time...

wah liao, want to cheat also must cheat with some brains lah!!!

The tabloid in Singapore had a field day... or should I say weeks..

[millionairemind]

Hooligan Hijinx

A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells "Give me a Budweiser, or...!"

Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. Easier said than done, he thinks, but he decides to try it. The next day, the hooligan returns.

"Give me a Budweiser, or...!"

"O-o-o-o-r-r-r... w-w-what?" stammers the bartender.

"A small Coke."