Smile & Laugh 06 (Aug 10 - Oct 11)

[kennynah]

Actually, I have heard of a certain-high-flying-CEO-Lee who have requested to become an Australian.

And of course, OldLee put a stop to it. I suspect, both sides of the immigration must be shitting in their pants when they see the application.

oh really? now, who can that be?? prince harry?

[winston]

Elderly Jokes

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live together. One night the 96-year-0ld draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yells.

The 94-year-old hollers back, "I don't know, I'll come up to see." She starts up the stairs and stops. She shouts, "Was I going up or going down?"

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful", and knocks on wood for good measure.

Then she yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

[tonylim]

The Government today announced that it is changing the flag to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the Government's political stand:

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protect a bunch of d**ks, and gives you a sense of security while you are acutally being screwed.

It doesn't get more accurate than that!

[millionairemind]

The Government today announced that it is changing the flag to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the Government's political stand:

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protect a bunch of d**ks, and gives you a sense of security while you are acutally being screwed.

It doesn't get more accurate than that!

Best joke of the week!

[winston]

Chemistry

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?

SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

SARAH: Yesterday you said its H to O!

[winston]

You Know The USA Economy Is Bad When

These are sound economic measures.

• My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
• Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.
• CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
• Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
• A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
• I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
• If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
• McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
• Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
• Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.
• My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
• A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
• A picture is now only worth 200 words.
• When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
• The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally….

• I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline.

I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Ha Ha !

http://www.dailymarkets.com/stock/2011/ ... -bad-when/

[winston]

A skeleton once wanted to go to a party but then he realised he had NO-BODY to go with.

[winston]

If you have been following the teachings of Abraham-Hicks, you may like this funny video ...

Abraham Hicks: Get Happy !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4H1n3XkVx50&NR=1

[millionairemind]

This is one of the most funny comedians... Russell Peters

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oA9O3hMD ... re=related

[winston]

Stimulus Package

It is a slow day in the small Saskatchewan town of Pumphandle and streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.

The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything... However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a "stimulus package" works.