Smile & Laugh 06 (Aug 10 - Oct 11)

[winston]

Free Speech

There's actually freedom of speech ....
It's just that there's no freedom after the speech

[kennynah]

Very appropriate timed joke, W

[behappyalways]

http://bbs.wenxuecity.com/joke/388668.html

[kennynah]

We are servants of the people: PM Lee
By Alicia Wong | Sun, Apr 17, 2011 5:31 PM SGT

[winston]

A lonely stranger went into a deserted restaurant and ordered the breakfast special.

When his order arrived, he looked up at the waitress and asked, “How about a kind word?”.

The waitress leaned over and whispered, “Don’t eat the meat.”

[winston]

Two bats are hanging in their cave. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, I'm really thirsty for some fresh blood."

The other bat is amazed and says, "Well, it’s a bit late. Daylight is almost here, and we can't be exposed to any light - you know we'll die." "Yeah, I know," says the first bat, "but I'm really starving for it."

So he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood dripping from his mouth.

"You lucky thing. Where'd you find blood that quick?" asked the second bat.

"You see that tree over there in the distance?" mumbled the bat, his mouth full of blood.

"Yeah, I think I do!"

"Well, I didn't."

[winston]

Can't complain if it's all good By Wong Chun Wai

THERE’S a joke going around in Singapore as the island republic gears up for a general election in which the ruling People’s Action Party (PAP) is expected to face its widest challenge in history.

It starts with a Singaporean telling the authorities that he wishes to give up his citizenship to become a Malaysian.

The Little Napoleons in PAP were horrified when they heard this strange request. They have heard of Singaporeans wanting Australian, New Zealand, American, British or Swiss citizenships but asking for Malaysian citizenship was unheard of.

So, disgusted with the thought, they felt that the matter should be brought to the personal attention of Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew.

The veteran leader, on hearing this, hit the roof and ordered that the man be grilled by the Home Ministry officials.

It was felt that this guy must be a threat to national security and racial harmony to have such warped thinking. He wants to move to a country where vehicles are hijacked? It was unbelievable!

The Singaporean was told to turn up at the Home Ministry where he was asked the first question.

“Sir, why do you want to be a Malaysian? In Singapore, we have everything. You have a nice HDB flat; can’t complain, right?”

The man thought hard and then grudgingly replied: “Can’t complain.”

Then the officer expanded on the question: “Okay, in Singapore there’s almost no crime, the city is clean, the public transport is good, and there is no corruption. Can’t complain, right?”

This also stumped the Singaporean who nodded and replied: “Yes, can’t complain.”

The official decided to reprimand him and asked him bluntly: “So, what’s wrong with you that you want to give up your Singapo­rean citizenship for a Malaysian one?”

This time, the man smiled and replied: “Sir, over there they CAN complain about anything and everything.”

http://thestar.com.my/columnists/story. ... The%20Beat

[iam802]

Actually, I have heard of a certain-high-flying-CEO-Lee who have requested to become an Australian.

And of course, OldLee put a stop to it. I suspect, both sides of the immigration must be shitting in their pants when they see the application.

[winston]

Language

One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language.

For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors.

The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter.

Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat.

The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.

[behappyalways]

台湾女主播读"睾丸新闻"时频频笑场

http://v.news.163.com/video/2011/4/F/D/V71I0KQFD.html