Smile & Laugh 01 (May 08 - Oct 08)

[winston]

Definitions:-

Boss: The guy who is late when you are early and early, when you are late

Pending: Haven't figure it out yet

Delayed: Forgotten

Frank Discussion: Bloody Argument

Forecast: Guess

Long Range Forecast: Wild Guess

Strategy: Low Cunning

Pilfering: Theft by Junior Employee

Fringe Benefit: Theft by Senior Management

[winston]

The boss told the applicant, that there was a vacancy for a responsible worker.

"Are you a responsible worker ?", asked the boss

"I am the right person for the job", said the worker. "Every job that I had, when anything happened, everybody said that I was responsible".

[winston]

Heard this from a friend, who was trying to justify why he was leaving a good-paying job, to set up his own company..

When a person reaches Middle Age, he will probably do one of the following:-
1) Buy a Sports Car
2) Get a Girl Friend
3) Become his own boss

From the above, Number 3 is the safest of the 3 choices Tongue

[winston]

"Waiter, what's the difference between the steak and the special burger ?"

"About one day, sir".

[winston]

He keeps fit by wrestling, with his conscience ..

[LenaHuat]

Thank Q Q all for the warm welcome

[yeokiwi]

Ah Beng's Job Interview

Ah Beng went for an job interview for a sales job. When the manager saw Ah Beng's colourful attire, his mind screamed, "Not this man!!"

Nevertheless he still had to entertain Ah Beng. So he told Ah Beng, "If you can form a sentence using the words I give you, then I will give you a chance!"

"The words are "Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, Black".

Ah Beng thought for a while and said "I heard the phone go green, green, and then I went to pink up the phone and said Yellow. Blue's that? White did you say? Aiyah, wrong number. Don't purplely disturb people and don't call Black, ok?"

Ah Beng got the job.

[millionairemind]

That is a good beng joke Yeokiwi.. welcome.

Here is a blonde joke to go with your Ah Beng joke


Blonde in a Boat

There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, "What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!"

[millionairemind]

Third Opinion

Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.''

Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.''

Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.''

Moses Meets Dubya

George W. Bush was getting off of Airforce One in Israel, when he walked passed Moses, who didn't seem to notice him. He turned to Moses and said, "I am George W. Bush, the President of the USA, the most powerful nation on earth. Why didn't you greet me?"

Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a bush, we starved for 40 years!"

Three Girls Go Camping

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.

Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."

[sinned]

The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"

The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was outraged. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"

The student then replied, "Okay.

I'd tell him `I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...'"